She lived a life without the idea of needing someone for the longest time. Lone nights would pass, busy days would play by and not a single thought of belonging to a person ever wandered her mind. There were empty conversations with close acquaintances whom tried to acquire her attention but she never felt the desire to be grasped in cupid’s chokehold.
It wasn’t a priority.
She lived her days watching others being in love. She wouldn’t even flinch.
Up till the day he led her in his arms, almost cradling her as though she was his own—a surprise, honestly, to the both of them, as they both didn’t expect what was to come.
Her heart melted in his hands as she melted in his arms, and even at that moment, even though she didn’t know why or how, she knew that she was his. His to hold, his to be held by, his to love, his to be loved by.
Surprising. It was surprising how it didn’t take much for her to fall for him. The curl in his eyelashes, the voice he’d speak to only her with, the kindness of his common sense and courtesy with other people, his dedication and loyalty to her as a mere lover.
Surprising. It was surprising how exclusive she felt to him regardless that they were not exclusive.
But it all ended too soon all due to barriers that couldn’t be vanquished. She hadn’t even had the chance to hold him a second time and already she had to bid goodbye to the love she thought would make her life.
The relationship (or whatever it was) may have ended but it was then she learned to love.
Yes, her skin would crawl in the best way when he spoke her name.
Yes, she would go as stiff as a pole whenever their skin grazed.
Yes, her heart stopped every time he was in sight.
But she knew it was more than just a crush. More than just a meaningless attraction.
When he said they’d be friends, she didn’t care.
When he said he wouldn’t kiss her because it’d make things complicated, she didn’t care.
When he said he was over her, she didn’t care.
All she wanted is him. Not as a lover, a boyfriend but just to remain in her life. He inspired her, he brought her closer to her dreams (being in love is one of them), he taught her good manners and how to be a better her. She wanted him to remain, because he was good for her, just as a human being.
And because of the person he helped her become, she wanted to make sure he’d be alright too. She wanted to treat him like a king, make sure he’s had every meal of the day, talk to him when his heart was not feeling too well, nurse him to good health from the common flu, help him with his work even if it meant late nights with no sleep.
She was dedicated even though he wasn’t hers.
Because yes, she was in love. But more importantly she cared. And she admired the person he is on his own.
He is the closest-to-perfect human being in her eyes.
Yes, she was in love. She would daydream about the day he came back to her, telling her he’d figure a way through the barriers that kept them apart and she’d tell him that he wouldn’t have to figure it out alone, that they were a team, and they’d get through it together, even though it seemed impossible at that point.
Yes, she was in love. She couldn’t remember a time when she didn’t relate what was in front of her to him. Every thing seemed to remind her of him.
Yes, she was in love. So much that she’d jump on a plane to see him.
But more importantly
She loves him. The human being he is. As he had said he loves her, the human being she is.
She loves enough to not care what Facebook would say about their “status”.
She loves enough to not bother with trying to make him fall for her again.
She loves so much that, as long as he’s in her life, and close enough for her to check up on him and make sure he’s alright, at the same time close enough for him to inspire her even more than he already has, she’s good.
She loves him.
And maybe one day she will stop loving him the way she does now.
But it won’t matter.
She has loved.
- She Has Loved | Annatasha (via annatasha)